This article is classified "Real"
Weather is a required element in the survival of the Earth. Without bad
weather, it would be 10 godzillion degrees at the equator, and minus 10
godzillion degrees at the poles. That would not be desirable. So, we
have weather.
Weather can prematurely terminate your existence as a hitchhiker, as has
happened before. Just read a newspaper after a major thunderstorm
(described below) and count how many people are toast from lightning,
chunky salsa from tornadoes or winds, or dead fish from flash flooding.
Needless to say, you must watch out!
Here are some specific things to watch out for.
Lightning
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A sudden electrical discharge from cloud to ground (or an object connected
to the ground, such as an unsuspecting hitchhiker), lightning is the
biggest killer in thunderstorms. How do you find lightning? Look for a
bright white flash of light between the cloud and the ground which lasts
less than a second (we hope, for your sake... some have lasted for ten
seconds, totally frying the person holding the umbrella below). What can
lightning do? Well, it's kinda like sticking your finger in a working
light socket, only much, much worse. What can you do to stay out of
lightning? Despite what you might think, don't hide under trees. If you
watch the behaviour of lightning, most strokes (the technical term for a
bolt of lightning) hit trees. Instead, sit in an automobile or go to a
house. If neither are available, crouch into a ball on the ground. Don't
lie flat. What if you get struck by lightning? Let's hope you have near-
perfect attendance at a church.
Rain
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You may ask what rain is. Rain is the water that falls out of
thunderstorms. How can that harm you? If rain accumulates enough, it is
prone to go into low-lying areas and cause great flooding, or over-
accumulation of water. When that happens, you don't want to be in a
low-lying area. What can you do to protect yourself from rain? Stay on
high ground, in an automobile or house (to protect yourself from
lightning). And please do not allow this Guide to become wet.
Wind
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Wind is the movement of air from high pressure to low pressure. How can
wind cause harm? Too much of a good thing isn't good. You, or your
property, could get blown to smithereens. What can you do if that happens?
If you feel the wind getting a bit heavy, good advice would be to lie in a
ditch. Remember, though, to watch out for lightning and rain.
Tornado
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A tornado is kind of like wind, but it's REALLY, REALLY, REALLY strong,
and instead of blowing you sideways, it sucks you up! Some objects, such
as TOTO, a device which gathers tornado data, have been sucked up 60,000
meters and dropped 60,000 meters. How can you tell if a tornado is near?
This needs its own section...
A) Loud roaring sound. Wouldn't you roar if you were sucking air?
B) A large rotating vertical tube
C) Sirens howling, if you are near a town
D) If you feel yourself spinning and being lifted off the ground
(in such case, it would be advisable to maintain a firm grip
on your towel, and this Guide of course)
What can you do if a tornado is near? Don't go into an automobile, unless
you happen to like being sucked in with a metal cage around you; instead,
lie flat in a ditch, as with wind. Or, you could go into a basement,
cellar, or other subterranean structure.
That covers almost anything. More information may be published later,
especially in the arena of waterspouts, tropical developments, and columns
of hot air associated with government buildings.
Remember: the best tool to protect your cranial containment contraption is
your towel! DO NOT FORGET IT!