This article is classified "Real"
Lyon is a big, noisy, coloured and sometimes pleasant city of France,
Europe, Earth. Its main drawback is to be inhabited by almost one
million of the so-called Lyonnais.
There are several ways of visiting Lyon, of which we first present the
Parisian way:
Parisians are an amazing race of human beings who evolved separately in
Paris, France, Europe, Earth for about two millennia until they finally
enjoyed living there, strange as it may seem to us civilized people.
Sometimes, however, following certain well-known cycles, Parisians get
tired of the smoke, noise, concrete and crowd of Paris, and therefore
enter their cars and move, all together, to the south of France where
they cover the coast with concrete and then complain that it is almost as
noisy, crowded, concrete-covered and smoggy as Paris.
For our purpose, the interesting point in this funny behaviour, apart the
fact that they sometimes take hitchhikers in the process, is that the
motorway from Paris to the South drives through Lyon. Not around Lyon,
you see, but really through Lyon. There are plans to build a derivation
around the town, but nobody really believes it will actually happen.
Moreover, in Lyon, the motorway passes through a 2km long tunnel (called
Tunnel de Fourviere) and then reduces from three lanes to one, thus
invariably causing a giant traffic-jam inside the tunnel on those special
days when all the Parisians drive south together.
As a field researcher for The Guide, I have thoroughly experienced lots
and lots of very unhoopy situations, and I can tell that there are very
few situations as unpleasant as getting stuck three hours in a traffic-jam
under a tunnel.
In the vital race to, for example, oxygen, the specie that wins usually is
the most recently appeared in the evolution tree, and in this situation
cars benefit from their few hundreds of millennia bonus over humans.
Fortunately, the Parisians have had their organisms and body modified to
resist lethal doses of smog and noise, so they usually survive those three
hours under the tunnel, which would turn anybody else into a maniac with
lung cancer.
After the tunnel the Parisians drive on the motorway along the Rhone, the
main river, and can appreciate the damages a motorway can cause in a
bimillenial city. Then the motorway drives through a huge petrol-refining
plant, where the Parisians have the luck to breathe a chosen sample of the
fragrances involved in the process of converting awful-smelling brute oil
into differently-awful-smelling gasoline for their cars.
The result of all this is that a Parisian will invariably tell you "Lyon
is an awful city: all motorway traffic-jams under tunnels or between
refineries. Terrible."
This point of view is slightly biased, and the purpose of this article is
to give a differently-biased point of view.
History
-------
Sorry, my teacher was a royalist, and my neighbour in the classroom was
more a pretty girl than he was, so all in all I do not have much reliable
information about it. It looks like the town was founded by the Romans,
or maybe they just invaded it. Anyway, it was called Lugdunum by the time,
hence the other name of "Lugdu" people sometimes use there. The Romans
left lots of ruins there, among which an amphitheater in which sometimes
concerts take place, and these concerts surely are more fun that anything
the Romans ever imagined to take place there. Most inhabitants of Lyon,
however, hate the Romans for leaving that many ruins: you can't dig a hole
after killing your postman without finding some Roman remain. For example,
the last Mayor decided, just before the last elections, to build a few
parking lots in the centre of the town, as if there wasn't enough cars
there. On all the chosen locations, people began to dig with excavators.
Found interesting Roman remains. Ended up digging with little spoons. It
takes time to dig the room for a seven-floor underground parking lot with
only little spoons. And meanwhile there were traffic-jams all over the
town. The Mayor lost the elections, another victim of the Roman cultural
imperialism over Europe at that time.
After the Romans there were other people, but who cares actually... that's
all for history.
Gastronomy
----------
Lyon is the capital of the French gastronomy. So say its proud,
inhabitants! Actually there are a few very good restaurants there (I did
not check by myself; the price of an egg-and-bacon in such places is about
one month of my food budget. But those non-hitchhikers who can afford it
say it is really good). Besides, there are huge lots of very small
restaurants (the so-called "Bouchons") which are perfectly affordable and
excellent value for the money. Among the numerous specialties of the
local gastronomy are:
o Quenelles, which look like compacted remains of old bread
smashed together with milk, probably eggs, and maybe other
ingredients I prefer not to know about. Quite awful if you
want my point of view, but then you can fully appreciate the
skills of the cooks if he manages to turn those things
into a pleasant meal.
o Gratons, which are a kind of fried pork grease. Mostly
cholesterol, so it tastes great. Most civilized people don't
like it, though, but clearly any Real Hitchhiker should try it;
you just enter a butcher's shop and buy 100g of them (it should
last you the week).
o All sort of sausages, some of them cooked in brioche, high fat
and pretty good, too.
o Cervelle de Canuts: "cervelle" is brains, and Canuts were the
workers in the silk factories in the good old times. Sadly,
it is not what you could think, it's just a hors d'oeuvre
based on fresh cheese and spices, and it might be the only
not-too-high-fat dish you will enjoy in Lugdu.
o Kebabs, brought there by Arab immigrants. I like these enough
to write an article on it some day.
Things to See
-------------
Walk along the Rhone and Saone (the two rivers around which the town was
built) at night. All the bridges, all the building have been enlighten in
a very artistic way I have never seen anywhere else, and it is really worth
the walk. They managed to turn a rather common and dirty building into a
beautiful golden castle peacefully reflecting in the river, and even the
last concrete-and-metal bridges look magical at night. Considering how
popular the town is during the day, it is a great job.
Climb up Fourviere to get a view of the whole town from the gardens of the
cathedral (which is not a cathedral, actually, but I never managed to
understand the subtlety). This you should do preferably at night, too,
but then there are railings everywhere. After climbing the railings, you
will appreciate how efficient they are: these gardens are the most romantic
place to go strolling at night with your girlfriend, and they are often
quite crowded.
Locals love to drive tourists across the so-called Traboules, which are
similar to tunnels under the buildings linking streets together, with
stairs and courts on the way. They are small, dark, half-wet, stinking
of cat urine, and very useful. All in all I never understood why Lugdu was
so proud of its traboules. If you want to play the tourist, go visit one
or two; they are on La Croix Rousse.
I miss Lyon mostly for its kebabs and Arab pastries, the best of which are
to be found between Place Gabriel Peri and Saxe-Gambetta.
The line D of the subway net is driverless and some of the stations are
pretty nice. OK, it is not Moscow's subway. There are also one line of
cable train (la ficelle), like the son of a subway and a telepheric, and a
line of rack-subway. Because there are two main hills in Lugdu, Fourviere
and La Croix Rousse. That's five less than Roma, so there is nothing to be
proud of.
In general, to know where to go out and when, try to get "Le Petit Paume."
It is a wonderful little book, given free in the post-offices at certain
times of the year, so everybody in Lyon owns one and it should not be too
difficult for you to steal one from a friend. It is full of useful and
otherwise Widely Inaccurate information about the town.
Things to Avoid
---------------
The public transportation system is quick and efficient from anywhere to
anywhere, but it is one of the Most Expensive Ones in the Known Universe.
Besides, the employees are usually as pleasant as Vogons. Better steal a
bike and ride along the rivers. (I've had three bikes stolen in two years
time; I don't see why I should be the only victim!)
Wander in Perrache Station at night. I never did it, so I can't be sure
that you actually get raped, robbed, and killed each time, but so they say.
The rest of the town is very safe, so why care.
Bathing in one of the rivers may damage your health.
Driving in La Croix Rousse if you were not born there is not recommended:
there are only narrow one-way streets with 20% slopes, crossing each other
in a totally random manner with right angles, and suddenly coming to a dead
end just at the moment you thought you were getting out of it. A true
nightmare.
Parking in La Croix Rousse is even worse.