Bradford, England, UK, Earth

A Visitor's Guide To Bradford

by MAD Mosher (i.r.purdie@bradford.ac.uk)
written 19 Jun 1994

This article is classified "Real"


Location
========
Bradford is in West Yorkshire, about two-thirds of the way up England and
more or less half-way between the East and West coasts.  It's about 100
miles from Liverpool, and 100 from Newcastle (nice the way all these
distances are easy to work out, isn't it?) which as we all know is the
centre of the Universe (see separate article).


Area
====
Numbers not available at the moment, but it's a far cry short of
infinite.  It's quite big, but the town centre's nice and compact so
everything's within walking distance.  You can cross the main part of
town inside of 20 minutes at a brisk pace.


Imports
=======
Students -- large influx around September/October as swarms of these
creatures descend upon an unsuspecting populace.

Newcastle Brown Ale -- but this stuff gets everywhere anyway.  It is,
though, the only alcoholic beverage served in *every* bar and nightclub
in Bradford.


Exports
=======
People with Yorkshire accents -- somewhere between "Ey, when I were a
lad, you could get two punnets of chips for less than ha'penny" and
"Gerrroorrrrffff moi laaaaand."


Weather
=======
Varies wildly.  In the last two months we've had deep snow, scorching
sun, torrential rain, howling gales...  Pack sunglasses, pullovers, and
waterproofs.  And a towel.


Population
==========
Again, no numbers at the moment, but Bradford's quite packed, what with
all these stingy students managing to cram about eight into a four-bedroom
house.  Although, this activity can be quite enjoyable... (see "Sex").


Monetary Units
==============
The Pound Sterling.  Next to worthless, but it's about the only thing
these places accept.  All other currencies are exchangeable at the
myriad of banks around the university campus area (as if students ever
have any money).  Please ensure that you only try to change notes as the
banks don't like to deal with fiddly small change.

Don't panic too much about your cash when visiting Bradford -- it's a
remarkably cheap place both to live an visit; cinemas being the only
exception to this rule.


Art
===
Plenty.  No mirrors involved except during certain theatrical
productions.  Bradford is well served in this respect with five cinemas,
four theatres, three museums and a handful of galleries.

The cinemas range from the student offering and the standard 3-screen
Odeon that just about every town seems to have, to the Pictureville
which shows more arty and cult movies.  Bradford is also home to the
largest cinema screen in Britain -- the IMAX cinema situated within the
Museum of Photography, Film and Television.  The screen of this
cinematographic monster is around 45' by 64' in dimension and is more of
an experience than a simple film.  Few films are available, but they are
all exceptionally well produced.  The author heartily recommends the new
release "Africa: the Serengeti."

Theatres include the Alhambra, St George's Hall (also a concert venue),
and the Playhouse, which provide year-round entertainment.

As for concerts, there's Rio's (best rock club in the north), the
university, the Queen's Hall, St George's Hall, and all the venues in
nearby Leeds.  Bradford tends to be a town often played on many tours.
Failing that, it's within easy travelling distance of many of the more
popular venues, such as Birmingham, Nottingham, and Liverpool.

As an added bonus, Bradford has a festival, imaginatively titled the
"Bradford Festival" every year.  This lasts for around a fortnight and
includes street parties, special concerts, roadshows, promotions, and
more.  Very popular especially as Bradford is an exceedingly
multicultural city, which leads to a great diversity in the
entertainments offered.


Sex
===
Bradford is a university town.  Need I say more?  If you're looking for
any, try Lumb Lane at the top end of town.  And add a bit to the amount
of currency you'll be changing in one of the above-mentioned banking
establishments.


Safety
======
Don't walk around at night with large amounts of cash or you may suffer
the same fate as that of the failed alcoholic: a sore head and an
empty wallet.  Beware of groups of people carrying offensive weapons,
even the pensioners.  But if you need to be told this, what are you
doing hitchhiking?


Where To Go
===========
Check out the "Arts" section, but more specifically:

Rio's on a Wednesday (student night), Friday and Saturday (rock
nights).  Cheap to get in, good music at the weekend, and not too
expensive for a nightclub.  More varied for a rock night than anywhere
else I've ever been to.  Bon Jovi to Type 'O' Negative!

Maestro's on a Monday (student night), Friday and Saturday.  Winner of
the Best British Nightclub award three times, The Maestro is a sight
for sore eyes: leather sofas, video games, confectionery stalls, and
goldfish ponds.  And that's just in the toilets!  Outside the loos, the
club is big -- two dance floors, six bars (one of which can rotate), lasers,
strobes, and an excellent sound system.  Shame the music's poo, though.
Student night is one pound entry and cheap drinks all night; other nights
are bloody expensive!

Cloud Nine:  Like a small Maestro's on Tuesday.  DJ's rubbish, though --
I've yet to hear him actually finish a record.  Quite cheap.

Subway -- on the University campus, it's cheap and has a different theme
every night: grunge on Monday, rock Tuesday, etc.  Small, but friendly.

FNDs and M&Ms both in the University Communal building.  The FNDs are
Friday Night Discos and M&Ms are themed discos every second Saturday.
Both are cheap (FND around UK1.50, M&M's UK2.50).  Both are very popular
so get tickets in advance!  Music's typical student fare, though the
M&M's will be biased in favour of the theme of the evening.  Expect to
dress up for these to get the most of them!

Hope all you hitchers find this of some use.  I'll update the information
as and when necessary.

See also:
  • Earth
  • Newcastle-upon-Tyne, England, UK, Earth
  • Bradford, England, UK, Earth (Part 2)

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