This article is classified "Real"
One of the more amusing things you can do to make your life exciting is
letting people believe they have seen some kind of alien spacecraft, better
known as UFO (although by definition an Unidentified Flying Object is
anything you see in the sky and cannot easily identify as a certain star,
planet, or other object, and in 95% of the time can be easily explained as
natural or manmade objects) or the effect of one. From now on I shall use
the letters "UFO" as name for alien spacecraft.
In this article I want to focus not on convincing people orally that a
certain aircraft or strange cloud or burnt spot on the ground must be an
UFO or must be caused by one, but on you being part of an UFO yourself or
making an apparatus that can fly or making strange markings on the ground
so that people watching are sure they have witnessed an UFO at work.
What I mean to say is that just throwing frisbees, jellyfish, or trash can
lids in the air and taking photographs of them is not enough (although this
is also a very amusing pastime, if it works). But if you throw them in the
air and from observing that people believe they have seen an UFO, then you
have achieved your goal. I do, however, have a little difficulty with
imagining what kind of people might fall for such simple tricks.
Ultralight
==========
In a Dutch newspaper "de Volkskrant" of 19940325 there was an article
titled (translated) "It flies, buzzes, and emits white light." It was
about a series of UFO sightings that were reported to the Rotterdam police.
It is not unusual for the police to receive UFO reportings, but this time
there were a lot of them and they were very detailed as well.
The first sighting was at 18:55 by two surveilling police officers at
Rotterdam-south. In the vicinity of the Maashaven they spotted a
triangular object flying over at 100 to 200 meters. It came from the
south-west at low speed and had a beam of white light emanating from it.
There was also a small blinking green light attached, possibly a starboard
navigation light from an airplane, were it not that the only sound to be
heard from it was a soft buzzing noise. The officers reported their
observation immediately and their amazed colleagues in the radioroom at
once contacted Zestienhoven airport, but nothing was visible on the radar,
possibly because the object was too low.
At 19:04 the next sighting was reported. A man living at the Aert van
Nes straat was awakened by a bright beam of light and a buzzing noise.
He wondered if the police knew what it was.
Twenty minutes later another sighting was reported from someone living in
a flat at the Nieuwe Maas, this suggesting that the object must have turned
to the south. The occupant of the flat reported a strange aircraft that
had almost flown into his living room. The object was an aluminum-like
contraption and had a man hanging underneath.
A further sighting came almost immediately after that, from the
Brienenoord bridge. At the same time a lot of people phoned to
Zestienhoven airport and the Rijksluchtvaartdienst with observations
of a strange flying object buzzing past.
The next day the airport police at Zestienhoven started to investigate the
radar tapes just in case. Although the object hardly emitted noise they
continue to think it was just an airplane. It has happened before that a
plane with landing lights already on flew so low that a lot of flying
saucer reports were caused.
Of course we all know it was just someone with an Ultralight (a deltawing
or hangglider with a small motor) who illegally flew over the city.
Ultralights are too small and fly too low to have a reflection on the
radar. He must have given a lot of people unusual experiences.
And so we see that not only a paraglider can be used to pull pranks. I
think that round and about every vehicle able to fly can be used for posing
as an UFO. But now let us proceed to another example, and a very famous
one too, of a successful way of letting people believe UFOs have landed or
that certain mysterious natural phenomena exist. It is the case of the
crop circles in the UK.
Crop Circles
============
Let us see what Tony Blews (hat@mono.org) wrote to me:
"About 9 months ago, myself and a few friends created 4 crop
circles in a field. The circles were of varying diameters
between 10 and 30 meters. We got the photos [1] in the local
paper, and were on the local radio news."
He explained to me how to produce these circles:
"You need a group of people who will do exactly what you tell
them, otherwise you'll end up with spirals shooting off in all
directions, and that'll look rubbish."
He goes on to explain that this is what you will need:
1) a ball of string
2) a broom handle about 1 meter long
3) a garden roller (nice but not essential)
And here is a quickie guide on what to do:
1) Find a field of corn with vehicle tracks in it (they are
important [2]).
2) Walk along the tracks to the middle of the field, then walk
out about five meter from the tracks. This will be the
centre of the first circle.
3) Unwind about eight meters of string (the length is
unimportant but must be greater than five, or however far
from the tracks you walked).
4) Get someone large and strong to stand at your centre and
hold one end of the string. Then get someone else to hold
the other end and pull it tight. This person then has to
walk in a circle keeping the string tight, to define the
edge of the circle.
5) Once this is done, you start at the edge of the circle and
spiral inwards, pressing the grass down with the broom
handle or roller, until the circle is complete.
6) Walk out on a tangent from the circle to create a line to
the next circle you are to create, and keep on going from
step 3 again, varying the sizes of the circles.
I asked him what he thought about people who, even though so many hoaxes
have been exposed, still believe aliens made the circles, and go into
great length to dish up arguments to convince you.
"My thoughts on the 'true crop circle' believers... They do say
that in true crop circles the molecules in the stems are altered
to make them grow sideways, and that is why real circles continue
to grow. Also, the circles I did were branded as fake because
'the colour of the corn was wrong.' Apparently real circles
only appear in mature golden corn. The circles I did, did
admittedly look a little rough around the edges, but with practice
we've got better. In my opinion the self-proclaimed experts and
book writers desperately want us to believe that it's something
more than a hoax."
"I would really like to believe that 'real' crop circles are the
product of an alien intelligence trying to communicate with us in
a cryptic way, but it seems far more likely that they're fakes or
the product of some natural phenomena. I quite like that idea of
the two old men, Doug and Dave [3], wandering around Wiltshire at
night, making circles."
And then there were the results:
"It was dead funny the next day, watching the experts at work.
My only regret is that the newspaper didn't do a helicopter shot
of it."
The sci.sceptic FAQ has this to say on the cellular changes in the plants:
"What about cellular changes in plants within crop circles?
==========================================================
Yes, what about the changes? Although this is another claim that is
widely circulated among ufologists and cerealogists, the evidence is
simply not very good. A few photographs of alleged changes in the
'crystalline structure' of wheat stems were published in some
magazines and UFO publications. The method used was spagyrical
analysis. This is a technique involving crystallization of the
residue of organic material after harsh processing, invented three
centuries ago and popularized by Sir Kenelm Digby. Digby is known for
other wonderful inventions like condensation of sunlight and the
development of sword salve (which you had to put on the weapon rather
than on the wound, in order to cure the wound). The fact that this
technique was tried at all casts serious doubts on the 'researchers'
involved."
Owl (rhenry9-2@mail.id.net) gave me a final tip to make your circles extra
strange: "I also heard from somewhere that people would get strange or
unusual chemicals (ones not used in that area or that perticular field)
and throw them all over where the circles and or lines where. This would
confuse the heck out of investigators and media..."
I think this should give you enough info to make aliens land on
cornfields planetwide.
Balloons
========
A further reasonably cheap, often-used way of convincing people they are
witnessing an UFO is the balloon prank. The balloons can be made of
household trashbags, dry-cleaning bags, and for even more lift, one or
several weather balloons. Note that trash bags are too heavy and not of
sufficient volume to get airborne. To make one of these balloon UFOs you
should tape up the hole(s) at the top of a dry-cleaning bag and tape a
light loop of wire around the bottom to hold the hole underside and to
connect a "basket." Then you should put some cotton on the very light
basket construction you made under the hole. The ignited cotton should be
able to produce enough warm air to lift the balloon and let it fly away,
and should also be able to give the impression that the whole balloon is
one large light. Be careful though in area's with a dry climate, such as
Northern California. You don't want to burn anyone's house down [4].
Kaye Matkins (kmatkin@calvin.linfield.edu) had another suggestion: "My idea
for a semi-ufo shen... It'd be kinda cool to attach a penlight to the
bottom of a balloon (filled with helium, of course), tie it to the back of
your car with about ten feet of cable, and drive around late at night at
high speeds like it's after you..."
To show balloon pranks actually work here are several experiences:
Gordon Horner (ghorner@unixg.ubc.ca) actually launched some dry-cleaning
bags and had this to say: "I had the satisfaction following one successful
launching many years back of overhearing some visiting friends of my
parents describing with awe the mysterious fireball they'd seen in the
skies above their house the previous evening! Very rewarding!"
Tom Elliott (tosh@zikzak.apana.org.au) wrote to me: "I was a `victim' of a
UFO shen for a short while. I was driving at night, when I saw a group of
lights in a circular pattern hovering above the suburbs. The lights gave
the impression of a circular object rotating. As I got closer (and more
curious) I realized I could see an object above it. As I got within
several hundred meters I finally realized that it was a large balloon with
a circular object underneath with flashing lights - a rather elaborate
shen, really. Though it was effective.
Shortly after the second world war, my father (I think about 12-14 years
old at the time) purchased from an army surplus store a large
meteorological balloon. It was capable of lifting fairly large objects
(including his friend's young sister). They released the sister and let
the balloon up into the air on a line, until the police arrived looking
for the cause of the obstruction to air traffic. They released it, but it
made the news as being an `unidentified object' hovering over the
neighbourhood."
Dave Sweeney (dave@integware.com) wrote: "Let's have a moment of
reverent silence for Larry Walters, the truck driver from Los Angeles who
tied 45 (count 'em, 45) weather balloons to his aluminum lawn chair and
floated up 11,000 feet above his back yard. Mind you, he wasn't
unprepared. He had a parachute, a CB radio, a six-pack, a few peanut
butter and jelly sandwiches, and a BB gun to shoot a couple of balloons
when he decided it was time to return to Earth. Of course, he didn't set
up his flight plan very well -- he floated right through the approach
corridor to Los Angeles International Airport, one of the busiest pieces
of airspace in the world. Kinda like riding your tricycle across the
freeway...
His comments to the press after landing were priceless. When he was asked
why he did it, he responded, 'You can't just sit there.' Was he glad that
he did it? 'Oh, yes.' Would he do it again? 'Nope.' My kinda guy!"
Frank Reid (reid@ucs.indiana.edu) added: "Airline pilots spotted him, and
FAA busted him for numerous violations. It made national (US) news, and
numerous sympathizers helped pay his fine."
Ancient Froods
==============
A lot of ancient people, especially in South America, were real hoopy
froods. I think they are the best experts ever at letting people believe
all kind of weird stuff about aliens. You have only to think of all the
work that must have been put into creating those "cosmic runways" which can
only be detected from high in the air, on the Nazca Plain in the Andes,
Peru, and of all the weird sculptures and figurines of kosmonauts. These
dudes must have certainly had an extremely good foresight to be able to
trick so many people even in our century! Maybe one of the most famous
people they tricked was Erich Von D"aniken, the famous Swiss author, who
wrote loads of books with names like "Were the Gods Kosmonauts?," "Back to
the stars," "Gold of the Gods," etc. etc. (or was Erich a prankster
himself?). Couldn't we, the people of the twentieth century, do something
similar and start a project to fool generations to come in thousands of
years? Something on the moon maybe? Anyway, let us give a big applause
to the earliest group of people who had the genuine hitchhiker spirit!
(Sound of applause. [5])
There is one other ancient frood I want to mention and that is Piri Re'is,
an admiral of the Turkish fleet in 1513, who has created a map of the
world in such a projection as only a satellite above Cairo could
photograph! Or an UFO of course. Boy, was this man subtle! [6]
Adamski
=======
A man from our century who has tried to let us believe a whole load of crap
is George Adamski. He told lot's of stories of how he was taken by aliens
to look at the vegetation, animals, and cities at the far side of the moon,
and to see movies of the civilizations on Venus. He told about what the
UFO's and their Mothership looked like, and about what the aliens looked
like and what they thought. But he has also done something that fits
this article better. He led people to believe that strange footsteps he
made in the sand were made by aliens. As this took place in the year 1952,
lot's of people believed that. Nowadays it is a lot more difficult to fool
people this way, what with all the different kind of sneakers around. But
today it might work the other way round. There could be a large market for
sneakers with supposed alien soles like the one Adamski designed. Think
about it, and remember I thought of it first. Anyway, Adamski did manage
to get a lot of attention and was asked all over the world to tell his
story.
The Professionals
=================
The military is a professional UFO faker. Numerous research aircraft tests
have resulted in people convinced they had seen an UFO. This is
however not a good example because the prank is just a side effect
of trying to create further stronger weapons. I don't think that's cool,
do you? Except...
A reliable source visited a UFO conference in Twenty Nine Palms, USA [7]
some time ago, and after the actual conference they went camping in the
desert for one night. That same night strange lights appeared in the sky
above the desert and moved around quite a bit. Even the experienced
observer (the source) was baffled by it, and the rest of the conference
went bonkers and started to record it with all kinds of weird instruments.
It turned out there was a military base a little further on, where they
knew about the conference, so they treated them to some amusing night
exercises.
Other Hoaxes
============
In 1967 Chris Southall, David Harrison and some other students from the
Farnborough Royal Aircraft Establishment (UK) made six beeping saucers,
with diameters of about 1.5 meters, and left them lying in several fields.
The objective of the hoax (one of a series over three years) was to
publicise their rag and thereby raise money for charity. They were pretty
succesfull too, which proves that UFO pranks can be an effective tool for
fundraising as well.
If you have more ideas or experiences on the terrain of faking UFO's,
send them to me! Your contribution will be much appreciated by the whole
hitchhiker's society.
Also note that I never said alien spacecraft don't exist (hahaha, <nervous
laughter>). I will have been right all along, whatever UFOs turn out to
be. (Wimp!!)
Riddle
======
As a riddle for the readers I leave with a case from a few years ago
concerning Rotterdam police officers observing a strange object in the
sky, which hovered over some farmland and then suddenly disappeared.
What contraption did the hitchhiker who caused that use? (And now don't
say an electronic thumb!)
[1] These can be found at http://subnet.virtual-pc.com/bl386816/crops/
[2] Note: Here we see that hoaxes are detectible by tracks running through
them. To fool people even better, find a way to get to the first
circle without using or leaving tracks (parachuting, paragliding?).
[3] Doug Bower and Dave Chorley. Many others have been caught, not only in
Britain but in other countries such as Canada. Their methods range
from inscribed circles with a pole and a length of rope to more complex
systems involving chains, rollers, planks, and measuring devices.
[4] Advice freely given by Grant Moulton (grantm@hpsadl2.sr.HP.COM).
[5] Wouldn't it be neat to include sound files in the articles!
[6] The very simple explanation as I see it is to just grab a globe and
take it from there. Mind you, I'm not so sure about the dates involved
(was the earth soccerballshaped already; had America recently been
rediscovered?)
[7] Yes, it does have 29 palms.
Attached documents:
Crop Circles created by Tony Blews (c) Tony Blews
Crop Circles created by Tony Blews (c) Tony Blews
Crop Circles created by Tony Blews (c) Tony Blews
Crop Circles created by Tony Blews (c) Tony Blews
Figure of a bird on part of the Nazca Plain
Schematic view of UFO Adamski claimed to have travelled in
Schematic view of mothership of Adamski's UFOs
"Photo" of the UFO Adamski claimed to have travelled in
