This article is classified "Real"
Location: Across a lot of water from the USA.
Inhabitants: Some indigenous life, but mostly Germanic and American
tourists. All carbon-based life forms.
Technology: N/A
Ireland (known as Eire by everyone but the Irish) is a small island on the
eastern side of the Atlantic Ocean. It has a population of roughly 3.2
million, and by an extraordinary co-incidence, a land mass of 32 thousand
square miles. Further extending the disbelief, it is divided up into 32
counties.
For historical reasons, it has been segregated into 2 sections, in the
wholly unfair ratio of Northern Ireland (6 counties), and Southern,
or the Republic, of Ireland (26 counties). This has caused a lot of bad
will, and even more "my grass is greener than yours" conversation than
normal.
As opposed to the information on the Earth, Irish people have no aversions
to leaving, to find other abode. This has however caused the situation
where the external population of Ireland seems to go into the hundreds of
millions, as opposed to the previously stated internal population. This
however does make for big St. Patrick's day celebrations (on the 17th March
Earthtime).
Ireland still attempts to keep in the dark ages through continuation of
male dominance. This has however had a set back in the form of a female
president (Mary Robinson). Countermeasures have been put in place that
ensure that she can not, however, do anything. This includes diplomatic
meetings, peace missions, visits, crossing the street, etc.
In Ireland, religion is a bit more important than politics. This however
could be argued, as some people would say they are both the same thing.
The dominant religion is Catholicism, and the Catholic hierarchy insist on
telling people that 90 percent of them go to mass. They however, fail to
ask anyone that does not go to mass, if they go to mass or not. This could
be compared to asking all the people in the world that are called Bob, what
their name is, and hence proving that everyone was called Bob.
Alcohol in Ireland is a way of life. In the varied history of the country,
we even went through a phase of giving babies Guinness to encourage
strength and well-being. We now however have noticed that it works better
as a liver dissolver than anything else. This aside, Ireland is famous for
its pubs. Anyone that looks in the least bit alive will be dragged into a
friendly conversation with at least one surrounding table of people. The
only way to prevent this is to become drunker than them, and hence not care
what happens.
Good places to do this in the capital, Dublin, include:
1) ZOO club, off Nassau street. Really nice drinks, at a very
reasonable price (during happy hour which lasts from 6 until 9
every day). Its only flaw is that some people treat it like a
creche for kids, and it tends to fill up with very drunk 15
year olds.
2) The Baggot Inn, Baggot Street. Very friendly, very Irish pub.
Serves a very nice pint of Guinness. There tends to be music
playing at certain times during the day/night. This has
ranged from the Henry Rollins Band to Tin Machine.
3) USI Club. Only of interest to people that possess a ISIC
student card, or possess at least one friend that does. During
the day, it serves a very nice Guinness, but not at night due
to the rush. Only really of interest to students.
In general, any pub you happen to walk into will be friendly, so long as it
is not called the Harp. The latter is a tourist trap, and a place to send
people if they wish to end it all quickly.
Finally, although just about everyone will try to rip you off in some
manner, they will do it in a very sporting manner, and generally be quite
nice about it. They will then go on to complain about the weather to you.
If you don't want this to happen, don't have a tan. The Irish resent that
sort of attack on their sensibilities.