Cats

Those Furry Things That Inhabit The Warmest Place In The House

by Ian Dean (ian@jessica.cs.curtin.edu.au)
written 09 May 1994

This article is classified "Real"


Cats.  Love them or hate them, you have to admire them.  They treat their
owners with the utmost of disdain and yet still get fed whenever they want
to be fed.  They invariably find the warmest place in the house and go to
sleep there.  If it is your lap they have to soften it up first with their
claws... for men this is an extremely painful experience.

Cats also always land on their feet, even though this sometimes kills them.
They shed hair everywhere and don't think they have succeeded until they get
at least one hair in your meal.  They demand attention whenever you are
busy but when you have time to give them some attention they are always
outside chasing their partner around the street.

They are very promiscuous and tend to announce it for everyone to hear.
Cat is often served up as beef to unsuspecting tourists in some parts of
the world, notably Southeast Asia.  I have heard it described as Texan Rump.
Cats will stalk almost anything, including ants, and will kill and eat mice
and birds.  Cats are best kept away from birds through a combination of
overfeeding and at least two collars, each with a separate bell.

Cats also get some of the weirdest names I have ever heard.  Ours was
obtained from the RSPCA and was already named "Muffin."  Other names I have
heard include Khat, Puss, Pussykins (enough to make you sick), etc.  They
demand to be let in, wander around, take a look, and next thing are
demanding to be let out again.

See also:
  • Antigravity, The Feline Butterology Theory
  • Cats And Dogs
  • Top Twenty-Six Ways To Kill Time
  • Cats, How To Pill
  • Hoovercraft
  • Intelligent Species, Earth
  • CAT
  • Schroedinger's Cat

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