This article is classified "Real"
Hitchhiking is a phenomenon of all times. Depending how wide you take
the definition of hitchhiking, almost everyone that ever existed has at
least once in their life hitched a hike. Think, for instance, about the
big migration of the nations. Of course lots of things have changed since
those times. The further you go back in history, the smaller the variety
and the smaller the number of ways to hitchhike there are. In those days
travel was also a lot slower. Imagine for instance hitching a hike from
a friendly peasant on his oxen-propelled cart.
The world today shows us a tremendous variety of ways to travel, a very
large amount of vehicles to do it with, and terrific speeds to do it by.
Imagine hitching a hike for a few hundred metres on a jet propelled
dragster.
To explore as much as possible ways of transportation for today's hitch-
hiker, to recognize a means of transportation when you see one, and to
find out the properties of all of these methods from your comfortable
chair, I have compiled the list that you will find below. As the means of
transportation for the Earth-confined hitchhiker expand by the day, you are
encouraged to add more and more to this list. We want to know what means
of transportation we hadn't thought of yet, how comfortable they are, how
fast and how far you can get with them, what your contribution to the
travelling party will be, who you will meet using that means of
transportation, and especially how much FUN you can have using this means
of transportation.
So enjoy and use the list below and write some stuff yourself! (Note that
this is an excellent excuse to do all kinds of irresponsible things.)
Land Travel
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Elevator Gets you from one floor to an arbitrary other. Elevators are
noted to have their own character (programming).
Wheelchair Never attempt to cross a desert in a wheelchair. In that
case take a....
Sandbuggy Looks like toy telephone with wheels, except for the phone.
Escalator Not really exiting. Only takes you from one floor to the
next. Invent your own excitement, like getting stuck.
Bicycle Pedal yourself around the world!
Tricycle If you want to ride a bike but can't keep your balance.
Motorbike How does one recognize the happy biker? Flies on his teeth.
Bus Mostly no toilets in there; make sure you take a leak first.
Japanese used to put prisoners of war on long bus rides with
water dripping right next to the poor soldiers.
Car Most common.
Train Possible to do some train surfing. DUCK!!!
Truck Various kinds. Example: Garbage Truck
Walking Do you really want to do THIS?
Water Travel
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Paddle Boats Hitler's nightmare.
Raft Careful with sharp objects, i.e. earrings, staples, etc.
Canoe Yes, they are very easy to tip over.
Kayak The ancient ones did have hair.
Speedboat Can go pretty fast, but it bumps a lot.
Water Skis Without a speedboat you're nothing.
Submarine A good test to see if you're claustrophobic. Too bad you can
not get out if it becomes too much for you.
Ship Jargon: hitchhiker = stow-away. Imagine a ship is a Vogon
vessel and you've pretty well got the idea.
Ferry The easy way. Unless there's going to be/has been a soccer
match at your destination/the place you left (martial arts).
Swimming Do you really want to do THIS?
Air Travel
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Plane Difficult. Pretending to be luggage is not a good idea.
There is hardly any other way to get on board without paying.
Security is very strict at airports.
Helicopter Go to a near mountain far from the civilized world. Break
your leg. Getting out of the hospital is the difficult bit.
Rocket Forget it!
Ultralight Also frequently an ingredient of a large range of food
products.
Paraglider The adventures of James the Birdman.
Canon Can get you a little bit further. Only then you=little bits.
(Messy business). Don't believe Jules Verne.
Missile (Nuclear). Can get you reasonably far provided you manage to
avoid security n-times worse than on airports. To survive
the journey: bring your own oxygen. To survive the landing:
??? Landing usually involves a great deal of spreading
yourself over large areas and disintegrating.
Flying Carpet Amazingly well-suited for imaginary journeys. Not so
amazingly well-suited for about anything else.
Jumping Do you really want to do THIS?