This article is classified "Real"
OUSFG is the science fiction, fantasy, and other related fiction club of
Oxford University. Depending on how thick your skin is, you might like to
avoid members in large numbers.
The "Road to Nowhere" Ceremony:
-----------------------------
When in a group, these mammals perform a strange ritual which I choose to
call the "Road to Nowhere" Ceremony. This is triggered by certain audio
stimuli: a Scot pretending to be American, and electric guitars; and an
oral stimulant: alcohol. Upon hearing this sound all OUSFG members within
earshot jump up and link arms and proceed to bounce up and down in a
faintly rhythmic fashion whilst attempting to destroy the floor, the
walls, and the bones of anyone else in the room who does not have the
common sense to get out of the way fast. Most dances involve some sort of
mating ritual, however none applies here. The singer David Byrne has yet
to write a song that could be considered romantic. His first - and
possibly most well known song - was called "Psycho Killer." This is
not a love song [1].
I have devised a behavioural anthropology experiment: I intend to play
"Road to Nowhere" whilst driving OUSFG members in my car. My car is
not a convertible.
Banquet:
--------
This is a Dinner Jacket and Bow Tie affair in one of the Dining Halls
of one of the colleges of Oxford. Last year it was Worcester College
on Beaumont Road. I had visited this college whilst still at school.
I saw a professor with a pinball machine. Unfortunately, Oxford does
not have a computing course (though many students may disagree with me).
Another pointless tradition is the passing around of menus. Each menu
is passed round the entire table and you are expected to write some witty
comment to remind people of the great occasion. I failed.
Stroh:
------
A fundamental part of the alcohol-imbibing traditions of OUSFG members
is the consumption of Stroh. I am unable to tell you what is actually
in Stroh, but suffice to say that it is over 80% alcohol [2].
When put in the mouth, it evaporates before reaching the throat. Do not
hold Stroh in the mouth for too long as this burns. (Stroh is Austrian
Rum, and brown in colour.)
Virtual Punt Party:
-------------------
This is quite a pleasant experience, being a picnic by the river together
with punts (punts are small boats which you stand up in and push along
with the aid of a long pole.) Unfortunately, in a similar fashion to
garlic bread, there are never enough punts [5].
Sometimes there are none at all, resulting in a virtual punt party.
Traditionally, a play is performed by members of OUSFG, written by a
member of OUSFG. The script to the play is distributed just before
the performance so that the cast does not lose that "fresh" quality.
[1] "This is Not a Love Song" is in fact by John Lydon of Public Image
Limited - ex of the Sex Pistols.
[2] 80% alcohol classes Stroh as a dangerous drug in the UK, and so I
would like to point out that no member of OUSFG drinks Stroh in the
UK, but only in those countries in which it is legal. This of course
results in large numbers of backpacking holidays to Europe...
[3] Abbey Road, by the Beatles.
[4] It is fun reading the footnotes, isn't it?
[5] This is derived from a quote by Alex Stewart, science fiction author,
who once told me "There is never enough garlic bread." I feel he spoke
a truth.