This article is classified "Real"
Background
----------
There are many occasions, during a lecture, when the brain ceases to
accept new information, and refuses to cooperate with your better
judgment, e.g.:
Student: "Please listen to this lecture."
Brain: "No."
"Please, it's very important."
"NO."
"Go on, I'll get a good job and earn lots of money...."
"Hmmm, tempting."
"...then I'll be able to pay someone else to do
everything."
"Aw, Okay then..."
Unfortunately, if you are not schizophrenic, and therefore, cannot
have a conversation with your sub-conscious, (see previous example) you
will have to find alternative means to wake your brain up, and give it
a good kick up the cerebral cortex.
There have been many attempts to formulate new ways of stimulating one's
mind in a boring lecture, some less obvious ones being:
1) Listen to a personal stereo (works well, but blocks out
lecturer).
2) Slapping yourself round the face (better than 1).
3) Slapping yourself round the face with a wet haddock (better
than 2).
4) Practice Yoga (can annoy others if your humming is too loud).
5) Attempting to insert a writing implement into a facial
orifice (lasting effectiveness and/or scars).
6) Sticking your head in a bucket of ice water (if you happen
to have one in your pocket).
7) Making love (not recommended in a packed lecture theater).
8) Sky diving (impractical, unless lecture theater has a high
ceiling).
Of course the best solution by far is:
9) Play a game.
There are many games one can play in a lecture. Games like "I Spy,"
"Charades," "Basketball," or "Boxing" are usually quite noisy, and can
distract the toffee-nosed note-scribbling scum-bag party-poopers who do
not wish to play or who are in no need of an increase in brain activity.
A less obtrusive, and altogether quieter form is required.
Observation showed that most students attending lectures will have at
least one sheet of paper and a pen. The application of the one on the
other is, usually, quite quiet, which then indicated to me that using
them was the best course of action.
This led me to compile a list of games which can be played with a pen
and paper, between two people (or more in some cases). When you are
playing these games, try to play without attracting the attention of the
lecturer, or the type of student who will probably complain loudly.
There is nothing more embarrassing than the lecturer wandering up,
wondering what you are doing not taking notes. They are likely to rant
and rave for a bit, pull out a bit more hair, complain that "students in
my day didn't do this," then give you and your colleagues lots of work to
be handed in the day after tomorrow.
Disclaimer - Don't blame me if you fail your course!
Some of these games are quite well known, easy, self evident, and will
not be fully explained. If you don't understand their rules, tough luck.
You should not be so thick.
Required Items:
Pen/Pencil
Paper/Parchment
An ounce of intelligence -- erm, two ounces of intelligence
You might need the help of an adult, and here are some I prepared earlier
(Har har! I couldn't resist that! Sorry to all non-"Blue Peter" watchers).
NOTE: It is best to view this article using a non-proportionally spaced
font, since all of the diagrams need a fixed width font to be seen
properly.
Noughts and Crosses (a.k.a. Tic-Tac-Toe)
-------------------------------------
Played on a three by three grid, both players take it in turn to place
their mark (a nought or a cross) in an attempt to get three in a row.
Setup:
Draw a three by three grid (have you never played this?).
Notes:
Gets boring very quickly (go see the end of the film War Games for an
example).
Alphabetic Variation of Noughts and Crosses
-------------------------------------------
Each player takes a turn to place a letter of the alphabet in the three
by three grid, in an attempt to make a three letter word.
Setup:
I cannot believe you are actually reading how to set this up!
Notes:
Go first, in the center square, then you will have the first chance to win.
'Q' is a wonderful letter to use if you do not want to give your opponent
a chance.
UNIX users:
It is possible to use the 'grep' utility program thing to do a search for
all three letter words in the on-line dictionary (assuming you have an
on-line dictionary, that is). The command line is:
look x | grep -e '^...$'
Where x is a letter of the alphabet and '^...$' means "search for a word
that starts and ends with three letters."
Connect Four
------------
Played on a seven by six grid, each player attempts to drop their counters
(a nought or a cross) to form a row of four (or more).
Setup:
Draw eight vertical lines, each six lines deep, to create seven columns.
| | | | | | | | Counters are 'dropped' down each column,
| | | | | | | | and cannot go flying (see Y), since there is nothing
| |O|X| |X| | | beneath to support it.
| |O|O|X|O| | |
|O|X|O|O|X| |Y| < this is a no no
|X|O|X|O|X| | |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Key:
| | | | | | | | + = X's possible winning moves
|c|+| | | | | |
|b|O|X| |X| | | All O has to do, is to go in 'a' and force
|a|O|O|X|O| | | X into going into 'b' and O then wins at 'c'
|O|X|O|O|X| | |
|X|O|X|O|X|+| | Or alternatively, wait for X to go in 'a' then
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ O wins at 'b'
Notes:
Try to go for three in a row, with no counter either side (see both +'s),
or try to get two rows of three close together so that either row can be
used to win (see O's in example).
Squares/Boxes
-------------
Players take turns to draw a horizontal or vertical line from one adjacent
dot to another in an attempt to complete a square. When a square is drawn,
the player writes their initial inside it to 'capture' it, and must then
take another go.
The player that makes the most captures, wins the game.
Setup:
Draw a grid of dots, about fifteen by fifteen.
(For clarity, a dot is represented here as a +)
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
| | | |
+ + + + + + + +-+-+-+-+ +-+
| | | | |A|A|A|A| |
+ +-+-+ +-+ + +-+-+-+-+-+ +
| | | |
+ + + + +-+-+3+-+-+-+-+-+-+
| | | | 1 2 |B|B|B|B| The next player could draw lines 1, 2 and 3
+-+-+ + +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ to get three squares.
| | | | |
+ + +-+-+ +-+ + + + + + + +
| | | | | |
+ + + + + + + +-+-+-+-+ + +
| | | |
+ + + +-+-+-+-+ +-+ + + +-+
| | | | | |
+ +-+-+ +-+-+ + + +-+-+-+ +
Notes:
Long 'corridors' of squares can be fun - if you manage to capture them
yourself. You can force your opponent to give you the next corridor of
squares by sacrificing only two squares (see below). Do this by first
ensuring that there are no places where a line can be drawn, without
letting your opponent capture a square. Try to then capture the longest
corridor on the board. When you have nearly completed that corridor,
leave the last two squares for your opponent to capture:
capture the longest leave last two pray opponent is dumb..
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
|A|A|A|A|A|A|A| |A|A|A|A|A|A|A| | <+ |A|A|A|A|A|A|A|B|B|
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
leave last two draw next bar here---+ ..enough to go here
This will then force your opponent to draw a line, which should start off
the next corridor for you. This procedure is difficult to describe in
words, although if you play the game a few times, you can easily get the
hang of it.
Tetris
------
Yes! Now you can experience the thrills of your favorite block game! In
this paper version, players take it in turns to draw one of a sequence of
Tetris blocks in an attempt to complete a row.
Setup:
Draw a grid about ten by twenty-five, (or larger if you prefer). Each
new game, draw the seven Tetris blocks down next to the grid, in a random
order.
Player 1 takes the first block in the sequence, and player 2 takes the
next, and so on. Any number of people can play, but do not forget, your
hawk-eyed lecturer may spot you passing the paper around!
The blocks may be rotated, but not flipped.
A player may not leave a gap, except when it cannot be avoided; if so,
the player may place the block anywhere (see below). The winner is the
person with the greatest number of lines, when no more blocks may be placed
in the grid.
(For clarity, the grid's squares are represented by dots)
.......... #### Moves in this example:
.......... # 1.Player 1 - #### 6.Player 3 - #
.......... ## ### #
.......... ## 2.Player 2 - # ##
.......... # ##
........5. ## ### # 7.Player 1 - ##
......6558 ## #
.77.2.6358 3.Player 3 - # #
4472266338 ## ### ##
4472111138 ## # # 8.Player 2 - #
#
^^^^^^^^^^^^ 4.Player 1 - ## #
example game ## #
5.Player 2 - # Player 2 gets two lines
## etc..
#
Notes:
If you are unable to place a block without leaving any gaps, you may
therefore place it anywhere. Try to stop the next player's potential win,
i.e. if you had to place the Square block:
.......... The Square block cannot be placed anywhere without leaving a
.......... gap, so placed here (*), the next person to have the long bar,
**#.#....# will not get three lines.
**###.#.##
.######### Always try to think ahead for a few blocks, to try to position
.######### your blocks in such a way as to obstruct, or force your
.######### opponents to make their moves.
##########
########## Do not forget! You may block your own lines!
fig 1
.**....... .......... Do not be silly and put it here (* fig 2), because
.**....... ......##.. it would still leave lots of gaps. Blocks like +
..#.#....# ..#.#.##.. cannot slide down the side, but if a situation
++###.#.## ..###.#.*. as in fig 3 occurs, it can, since the block could
+######### .####.#**. fit through the gap and slide into place (* fig 3),
+######### .#######*# as in normal Tetris.
.######### .#########
########## ########## However it is your choice, if you want to make
########## ########## the game difficult, go right ahead.
fig 2 fig 3
Oxo
---
Played on a grid, players take it in turns to write either a cross or a
nought in an attempt to make the word "OXO"
Setup:
Draw a grid about ten by ten. Start by writing in a few O's and X's.
When you create an OXO, draw a line through the three squares; this:
A) makes it clearer to see which OXOs have been taken, and
B) gives greater satisfaction if you are winning!!
(Lines not shown in example below)
.......... .......... .......... .......... ..........
.......... .......... .......... .......... ..........
...O...... ...O...... ...OO..... ...OO..... ...OO.....
...O.O.... ...OXO.... ...OXO.... ...OXO.... ...OXO....
....O..... ....O..... ....O..... ....OO.... ..O.OO....
.......... .......... .......... .......... ..........
.......... .......... .......... .......... ..........
.......... .......... .......... .......... ..........
fig 1 fig 2 fig 3 fig 4 fig 5
start game 1st win 2nd win 3rd win where next?
Notes:
Usually, one OXO will create another, as in the above example, can you see
where the next OXO will be created in fig 5? (Yup! There's two.) Keep an
eye open for getting two or more OXO's with one move, and of course not
creating them for your opponent to take advantage of. When you are near to
filling the grid, look out for places to write two noughts with a gap of
two spaces between them, i.e.:
##O..O####
########## Whoever goes in the gaps will give away a point.
#########O Putting either an X or an O in a gap will let the other player
#####O###. win a line, and can be the turning point in a game.
####.####. (see for yourself)
###.#####O
##O####### -WARNING-
########## This usually backfires on me (boo hoo, sympathy needed).
Lecture Bingo
-------------
A game for as many who want to play, er, make that, pay attention, to the
lecturer to see what he/she does/says.
Setup:
Draw a grid, about three by four (or more if you prefer), large enough for
you to write a few words in each. i.e.:
Looks at clock Says "OK" Blows nose
Comments about weather Quotes his book Says "...if and only if..."
Coughs Gets angry at us Says "Quiet"
etc. etc. etc.
As the lecture progresses, cross off each square according to the
lecturer's actions. You can play for horizontal or vertical rows, corners,
a full house, a certain number of squares, or whatever winning combinations
you can think of.
Notes:
Write down anything your lecturer is likely to do, to increase your chances
of winning. This can be quite easy, especially if your lecturer is the
predictable type of person who says "OK" at the end of every sentence, or
who constantly raises and lowers the projection screen, or who wears funny
shoes, or who has a funny walk, or who constantly refers to the book they
have written.
Any cases of ambiguity are disallowed; you should have been more specific.
Bok (magazine version)
----------------------
Sounding like "clock," it is not strictly a game, it's a practical joke.
Well, more a way for two people to get a kick out of annoying others, who
do not know what you are doing. I think I got this from a copy of Zero
magazine, I'm not sure, so this is from memory:
Setup:
Grab a few pens, pencils, erasers, disks, coins, sweets, pencil sharpeners,
etc, and lay them out on the desk. Move them around randomly, jump over
one piece with another, rotate them, turn them over, remove them, and after
a move, occasionally say "Bok." After about ten moves each, one player
concedes, or declares a win.
Notes:
This 'game' drives people crazy, especially when you refuse to explain the
rules to them. Do not tell them that there are none. Doing so will spoil
their illusion, and your fun. It's the old, old story of "I must be
better than you because I know how to play this game and you don't so there
thickie!"
Do not be surprised if onlookers offer advice, discuss tactics or tell you
to move a piece. Perhaps say "I can't move this here because that piece
is there, I can only move here or here, even then I get Bokked." Your
opponent should pick up on this, and then Bok you with their next move.
Or, simply move it where they requested, your opponent moves, and knows
when to say "Bok." Look round and say "I thought that would be a bad move"
or some other witty retort. It really is a 'team' joke.
This game can be also be played in restaurants, using, knives, forks,
spoons, salt and pepper shakers, plates, etc.
Be sure to pretend you are thinking, remember, this is supposed to be a
strategy game! (Sneaky snigger, chuckle, giggle, guffaw!)
Bok (paper version)
-------------------
Simply write anything down on paper:
- circles
- stars
- squares
- crosses
- letters
and do the same sorts of things:
- rub them out and draw them somewhere else
- draw arrows from one to another
- say "Bok" every now and then
Even keep some sort of ridiculous scoring system:
- I win a shrubbery!
- You forfeit a dozen plips.
- I earn a wibble.
- You lose a banana.
In short, make your own things up. If some people persist to pester you,
tell them to go figure, and find something less boring to do instead.
Conclusion
----------
No, not a game, but an end to this article. Sounds like a good name for a
strategy board game doesn't it? No? Oh well, please yourself.