This article is classified "Real"
One of the most horrifying situations you can find yourself in is when your
five year old brother, cousin, or nephew [1] wants you to play 'Memory' with
him. I don't really have to bring to mind the agony of the smart and very
pleased-with-himself child winning card by card, game after game, smiling
happily at you when you got it all wrong again.
A way of changing this situation is by cheating. This however is not
advisable. I will explain.
Cheating is not possible by memorizing all the positions of the cards at the
beginning. It will just not work. Reality is that the youngsters are by
far more proficient at this game and at memorizing altogether, and will by
definition beat you at any attempt involving the use of your memory.
Accepting this is one thing; coping with never-ending defeat caused by an
extremely enthusiastic and tooth-changing child (the former is caused by
eating too much candy, thus causing a fair to high glucose level in the
blood) is quite another. I will go in to that later.
Cheating is possible by distracting the child (A GIANT! Quick, look out the
window!) and looking underneath the cards. This will only work a couple of
times, until you are either not quick enough or the kid gets tired [2]. A
lot of effort will be wasted.
Cheating is also possible by marking the cards. The child is at this time
not smart enough to discover that, but winning this way is only a short term
solution. The child, confronted with this unexpected loss, will get heavily
traumatized. This will surface in later years and the cause of the trauma
WILL later be found during some sort of psychoanalysis session. Lawsuits
will follow and there is a high probability that you will be charged and
convicted for child abuse, causing loss of freedom (prison sentence) and
fortune (millions of dollars compensation).
The other solution, just taking your loss, is also not good. Getting
traumatized yourself will cost you your sanity, time, and money (the latter
two due to a lifetime of psychoanalysis).
The best solution therefore is to get rid of every Memory game in your
vicinity. Throw away your own old one (with which you defeated, crushed,
and traumatized adults in your own childhood). Nick your brother's/
cousin's/nephew's one. It is even advised to steal and get rid of all the
Memory games in surrounding and further away toy shops. Costs of vandalism
and theft charges are just a fraction of the costs of the other
alternatives. Doing all this will make the world a better place, not just
for you, but also for the whole of mankind, for now that you've read this
article and realized how responsible the game of Memory is for the mental
state of the people, it is surely clear that the game of Memory is the real
reason for everything going wrong in our world today.
[1] Feel free to insert sister, niece, she, or her where appropriate.
[2] If you manage to extend the positive result of this method up to the age
a child doesn't believe in fairy tales anymore, the method will be a
good one, for at this age his memory will be comparable to your's.
But it takes a lot of time and effort.