This article is classified "Real"
Rice Village, nestled between the yuppie-infested wilds of West University Place and the Rice University campus, is of interest to any hitchhikers who are searching for higher lifeforms in the Houston area. Although it is situated amidst several upscale residential districts, the Village is almost entirely committed to retail commerce. In its present form, therefore, it appears, like most of Houston, to have been conceived by a particularly demented player of SimCity. The Village boasts a commercial density approaching that of the menacing Houston Galleria, that immense oasis of consumerism from whose parking lots few return and fewer still return alive. However, unlike the Galleria, a vast air-conditioned hive wherein one expects at any moment to run across Elijah Bailey and R. Daneel, the Village is a collection of independent strip centers and onetime houses. It also encompasses an antiquated apartment complex (in which your humble correspondent currently resides), a major bank, an equally major health club (for bankers wishing to exercise), and a brewpub (for bankers who, having worked out, wish to get drunk and thereby put off returning to the bank). Hitchhikers may find the Village mysterious because stores here seem to occur multiply, never alone. For instance, there are three Chinese and three Thai restaurants within three blocks of each other (all are quite good and cost roughly the same, which is to say too much). Other clusters include two adjacent convenience stores and at least two delicatessens. While the reason for this clumping behavior is not known, your correspondent suspects that cosmologists will soon be forced to revise their theories of galactic formation to account for it. Unlike most of the rest of Houston, the Village is a fairly safe place to be a pedestrian. In fact, it is highly recommended that vehicles larger than a motor scooter stay out the Village, as parking space is at best a vestigial feature of the evolving landscape. Hitchhikers seeking nourishment on a limited budget may find the Village rather pricey; however, one of the three local French bakeries or the outrageously aromatic bagel bakery will provide essential nutrients and complex carbohydrates for approximately five of the local green pieces of paper. Important cultural landmarks include an authentic American hardware store, a dime store, a pharmacy which does not sell unbearably cute greeting cards, a used book store, and (probably) the first Rice Epicurean Market. Extremely fortunate hitchhikers arriving midway through the planet's approach to perihelion (known to the locals as "autumn") may witness the annual Migration of the Aggies, locally known as the Rice/Texas A&M football game. During this season, visitors are strongly advised to avoid anyone sporting maroon, as these beings are almost certain to be irrational and are probably intoxicated as well. However, hitchhikers with roughly humanoid anatomy and sufficient insurance may rest assured that they are only 1.7E-13 light years away from the planet's finest hospital facilities, the Texas Medical Center. The denizens of the Village are generally hoopy froods who are usually kind to strangers. However, travelers seeking to make friends would do well to remember that West University Place is emphatically not part of Houston, and that its police department, unlike Houston's, takes local speed limits seriously. Also, do not dent, scratch, or spill beverages on the locals' vehicles, since Houstonians in general take a dim view of such damage and are frequently armed. With these few cautions in mind, the adventurous hitchhiker should find the Village to be a spiritually fulfilling experience. If not, well, you can always catch Rocky Horror at the River Oaks Cinema.