Rules Of Car Chasing

Legal And Illegal

by Scott Bale (Scott Bale)
written 09 Apr 1993

This article is classified "Real"


To be involved legally in a car chase you must somehow be an enforcer of
the law, in which case the rules are:  anything goes.  Cut through yards,
exit from entrance ramps, cut through department stores, run over fire
hydrants, smash up your car or the bad guy's.  As long as no one innocent
is injured and no more than $50,000 in damage to public property occurs,
you are well within the confines of appropriate social etiquette.  If, as
an officer of the law, you fail to apprehend the criminal in question, it
is advisable to somehow crash your car and injure yourself "in the line of
duty" to receive sympathy and lessen your chances of being reprimanded.  I
recommend jerking the wheel and allowing the car to careen into vacated
but visible areas, such as public fountains.  If possible, arrange for the
car to overturn, crumple, or blow up.

To be involved illegally in a car chase you are probably breaking the law
and therefore the rules are:  anything goes.  In fact, you have an
advantage over enforcers of the law in that criminals are not expected to
observe the $50,000 limit/no innocent victims rule.  Whether or not to
take advantage of this is a matter of personal taste.  On one hand,
plowing through a pack of Cub Scouts might improve your chances of
escape if the cops can't follow you; on the other hand, getting pedestrians
lodged up in the transmission might detract from your car's performance.
Keep in mind that, on Earth, killing someone will almost certainly make
your prison term much shorter.

See also:
  • Boomshanka
  • Cars, Getting Hit By
  • Formula 1, The World Of
  • Football

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