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Also known as Sim Social Life, this virtual world of mindless chit chat is currently only available to hitchhikers who manage to gain access to the Internet. Apart from being an almost complete waste of bandwidth, IRC also serves to bring people of the rich world much closer together. Users of IRC are commonly known as "lusers" (that's lusers with an U not an O) as demonstrated by the command "/lusers" *** There are 515 lusers and 195 invisible on 91 servers *** 57 lusers have connection to the twilight zone *** There are 251 channels. *** I have 30 clients and 1 servers And here female hitchhikers can enjoy "playing" with the lame IRC guys without the fear of contracting any VD or viruses except, of course, the RSI due to staring at the VDU too long or accidentally catching a network virus or, even worse, horrible worms. A good starting point for fellow hitchhikers is the channel #talk where one can pick up conversations varying from diverse topics ranging from movies to dinner talk, sex to tuition fees, name calling to fishing, exams to programming, and so on. A thing to be careful about for any hitchhikers going on the IRC is that sometimes it's difficult to tell the sex of the other lusers. Some male lusers have known to pretend to be a female for kicks. Like wise but not often, females do the same. Lusers on the IRC are identified by their "nick"; for example: Internet, Kalei, Hazel, drnobody, ramin, SIO, squell and so on. The nick is totally independent of their real name. It's like a fantasy world out there in IRC with gandalf, wintrmute, count0, aragorn, ford and of course GOD around. If you are a male, DO NOT, REPEAT, DO NOT choose a nick that sounds like a female name unless you want sex-starved maniacs to pester you about bodily pleasures of the most explicit kind. <Kalei> Inter: They say silly stuff like (these are DIRECT quotes) "Hey Kalei, U feelin' horny tonight?" <Kalei> or "Kalei. You have a beautiful name. Come join me..." ... or worse (in fact more often worse). In time you may become addicted to the IRC. Repeat: the IRC is very addictive, with thousand of computer faculties across the globe banning IRC from their students. Despite the efforts, this terminal disease still manages to spread its crappy addictive time-wasting urges into the hearts and souls of many young innocent users, turning them into hardcore IRC lusers. IF THIS DOES NOT FRIGHTEN YOU then you are already hooked. But there is worse to come. Even if you are hooked for life, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES fall in love with another luser. The consequences are painful to say the least; this is especially true if the one you fall in love is more than 1000 miles away. Before long you may find yourself singing: I would walk 500 miles And I would walk 500 more Just to see your face and lovely smile And to touch you where I can't before Here is a transcript of an early IRC record by a drnobody on his home brew IRC client by the name of ReTardis: drnobody> Hello DD drnobody> What does DD stand for? :DD> Diamond Dave drnobody> I have to perfect my ReTardis :DD> kinda like Dave, a girl's best friend drnobody> Lots of bugs :DD> what the hell is a retardis drnobody> really eccentric Tardis drnobody> I hope you know what a Tardis is :DD> *lost* drnobody> Tardis = Time And Relative Dimension In Space :DD> sorry no idea drnobody> Don't you watch Dr Who? :DD> OK what ever drnobody> Actually ReTardis is an IRC Client :DD> nope sorry I watch girls drnobody> naked girls? :DD> yeah when the beer flows freely on the boat drnobody> what boat? :DD> the boat I'm on now drnobody> You are on a boat? drnobody> How did you connect to irc? :DD> cellular phone drnobody> So cellular phone to university to irc eh? :DD> that's the ticket drnobody> Must have cost a lot :DD> about 3 mil drnobody> What's a mil? Million or the local currency? :DD> million drnobody> Who's paying? :DD> my dad drnobody> Are you rich or what? :DD> nah not really drnobody> I have to reset all my controls :DD> I own a 5000 acre ranch drnobody> So what are you studying in University? drnobody> you are not from Finland are you? :DD> I don't go to school I design automation systems for Bryan Foods :DD> no drnobody> Where are you from then? :DD> starkville ms is my home drnobody> Where is ms? :DD> where are you from drnobody> Australia :DD> ahh I'm from the USA drnobody> Where in US? :DD> state of mississippi :DD> southern state drnobody> Is your boat at sea or river :DD> I'm on a river right now headed for my home port; just left the gulf of mexico two weeks ago drnobody> hold on I am trying to find it in the atlas :DD> ok look at the southeast corner of the us drnobody> I am still trying to find your place. drnobody> Where is your home town? :DD> have you found mississippi? drnobody> Yes, drnobody> How long have you been at sea? or river? :DD> my home is in the northeast corner of the state drnobody> Near Tupelo? drnobody> My atlas is not a very clear or detail one. :DD> south of there :DD> it is about 80 miles south of there drnobody> Must be a nice place to live. drnobody> What do you have on your ranch? :DD> my home port is just north of columbus :DD> cattle about 2000 head at present drnobody> I only have Cleveland, Greensville, Greenwood, Yazoo City drnobody> on the atlas. drnobody> Hello world! drnobody> DD: Is that your Boat? :DD> do you see the river that runs from mobile, alabama (gulf) to tennessee? drnobody> Is that the Tombigbee river? :DD> yes that's it drnobody> OOH I get it. Thanks :DD> ahh starkvillian here :DD> hmmm I don't think so; I don't go to school and I just moved here about 6 months ago drnobody> DD: Where are you originally from? 6 months ago? :DD> Texas originally drnobody> DD: own any oil? :DD> my dad has 5 gas wells drnobody> DD: You must have a very lucky Dad. :DD> his dad before him was lucky drnobody> DD: nice family drnobody> DD: do you have to take up your family business? :DD> well I'm into automation programming that is my work drnobody> DD: sounds good. drnobody> It's winter right now in Melbourne. drnobody> Freezing cold!!!!!! Here is a transcript of IRC as it is today on channel #talk: IRC log started Sun Jan 24 02:19 *** Value of LOG set to ON <Sik> choo: too many duplicated bots oping eachother... not good <Mikeeb> nah I just read tin for junk mail <Nuclear> boba: I have a bunch of lewd jokes someone keeps sending me... <Cholera> choo: I think bot makers get tired after awhile anyway. <Squell> pan..and what does he want? *** Strubi (strubi@impch.imp.ch) has joined channel #talk <Strubi> hi there :) <Panadol> i bloody well LIVE street away from him... he jus wants to meet you <BobaFettt> Nuclear send me anything <Squell> g'day sturbi <Smoovy> Hi, strubi! <Sik> hiya strubi <choo> cholera, and others then come instead of them <Mikeeb> Wish I got more mail though <Nuclear> boba: would you like me to put you on my joke distribution list? <BobaFettt> Nuclear: I need to get a good grade in my class <Strubi> yoo sik ! how's life ? :) <Nuclear> Hey stubi <choo> and the total number rises up <Panadol> he makes a habit of meeting all the local irc girls rl <Strubi> hi everybody :) <Sik> strubi: life is so-so :/ <Cholera> choo: I give choo.. <choo> here, i'll go and count it out <Panadol> hiya strub:) <BobaFettt> Nuclear: Send me Everything you can <Squell> pan...ick..i don't know about that guy seems weird <Nuclear> boba non sequitur? <Strubi> sik, same here....wahhh <Cholera> choo: Go ahead and ban all the bots. I'm not going to convince you, and you aren't going to convince me,. <Nuclear> boba: What are you taking, email 101? *rofl* <Panadol> no he's not weird, he jus wants to meet you <choo> brb <Squell> opan...when did he say that? *** choo has left channel #talk *** Action: Sik hugs cal *** Action: Nuclear agrees with choo <Panadol> he's met every other local irc girl <BobaFettt> Nuclear: Computer Communications <cal> sik...:) *** Mikeeb is now known as retregsf <Squell> pan..that guy seems really sly....sad case to be honest *** Action: Shanny gives SIo a big hug and hopes he feels better IRC Log ended *** Sun Jan 24 02:21 The future for IRC is hard to predict: will it forever be lost to the mindless chatter of the nerds, or will it blossom into a more weirder form of mass hallucination, or better still bring forth world peace and understanding? In the years to come IRC may even break through the 1000 lusers barrier and let loose IRC on the world.