Watermelon Rituals

Another Bizarre Watermelon Ritual, This Time From The Antipodes

by David McGregor Squire (dms@vis.citri.edu.au)
written 22 Dec 1992

This article is classified "Real"


Here is another ritualistic use of Watermelons, also practiced on Earth,
albeit "downunder."  But first, some background.

At Melbourne University (Melbourne, Victoria, Australia), there are
several residential colleges.  These colleges play sport against each other.
Now, this serves several purposes.  First, there are those members of the
college who enjoy the playing the sport involved.  For them, the sport is an
end in itself.  Second, there are those who wish to use the sport as a means
of being noticed (by the opposite sex, the same sex, or perhaps even the
Master).  These sorts of things are no doubt much the same the world over.

The most important reason for the playing of sport, however, is that it
gives the non-participating members of the colleges involved the opportunity
to dress up in their college's colors and scream abuse at each other -
immense fun.  This activity can be most agreeably combined with - ALCOHOL.

This behavior reaches its pinnacle on Men's Rowing Day.  The rowing takes
place on the Yarra River in the center of Melbourne.  It is compulsory
(almost) for all members of the rowing colleges to lash all lectures,
pracs, etc. for the day, dress up, put on face paint etc. in college
colors, assemble on the banks of the river, sing songs, and get
mind-buggeringly drunk.

One college, of which I am a member (and have been for years), is called
Queen's.  Queen's is a puzzle to the other colleges, who amuse themselves by
trying to get the members of other colleges wet, and attempting to drown out
the other's songs, perhaps even by (shudder) throwing things at each other.
A couple of years ago, Queen's decided to cut out the middle man and stuff
themselves up, thus assuring themselves of the title "Messiest College
on the Crescent."  This is where (finally) the watermelons come in.

Someone from Queen's brought a watermelon to the rowing.  It was opened
(presumably with a knife).  So far so normal.  The pieces were then
distributed amongst various drunken Queener's (residents of Queen's).  Now,
no-one is exactly sure why what happened next happened.  The pieces were
head-butted.  There ensued an orgastic frenzy of melon-butting, and the air
was filled with a fine red mist of melon juice.  Melon segments were
enthusiastically smashed over peoples heads by their mates, and the red
juice covered their faces and matted their hair.  This single-melon incident
spawned the ritual that now takes place.

Trailer-loads of watermelons are procured by senior members of Queen's and
delivered to the river early on Men's Rowing Day.  At intervals throughout
the day, the Melon-Butting Ritual takes place.  Melons are broken open and
the pieces solemnly distributed.  Freshmen allow the senior members of
College to have the biggest, juiciest pieces.  The Melon-Butters (mostly
male) form orderly lines, and the President of the College gives the
command: "Queener's - Butt your melons."  Each Melon-Butter slams his melon
piece onto the top of his head in unison, and melon juice sprays
magnificently over the nearest spectators.  The lines then break up and
people hold the remnants of their melon for others to butt.  This is all
done with great enthusiasm and evident enjoyment.

The biggest, toughest bloke in a given year may them perform the most
impressive melon-ritual -- the butting open of a whole, uncut, watermelon.
He needs to have a hard head and a strong neck, and to be absolutely pissed
out of his mind.

The students of other colleges simply stare in disbelief.  They have no
comeback.  How can you abuse a bunch of people who do *that* to themselves?

See also:
  • Watermelons

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