This article is classified "Real"
Any hitch-hiker who visits bars a lot can tell you that, in whatever galaxy the bar is located, the problems one encounters when visiting one (or more precisely, after one has visited one for quite some time) are roughly the same all over the universe. This article is meant to give some common solutions to these problems, which can be quite useful for the unexperienced hitch-hiker... PROBLEM CAUSE SOLUTION ------- ----- -------- You have little fun You have failed or for- Take new glass drinking and your gotten to open your mouth, and practice in front feels damp. or have put your glass front of mirror to a wrong opening in your until your drin- head. king technique is perfected. Beer does not taste Glass is empty. Find a person as usual, but instead willing to buy is pale and bright. one or more drinks. Feet are becoming Glass is held upside-down. Turn glass either cold and wet. clockwise or counterclockwise, until open side is facing up. Feet are becoming Inaccurate/inappropriate Complain with warm and wet. bladder control. the owner of the nearest dog to save face. Head is becoming Karim van Veen from Find other partner cold and wet. Zoeterwoude, Holland is for conversation. "talking" to you. Bar is passing by. Not true. Someone is Are you being carrying you somewhere. carried to the next bar? No? Protest clearly. Opposite wall looks You have fallen backward. Have yourself tied the same as the to the bar. ceiling. All is dark and You have fallen forward. See previous answer. your mouth is full of glass and ash and cigarettes. You can't see right, EMERGENCY! You are looking Have glass refilled everything is blurry. through an empty glass. as soon as possible. Beer tastes strange You have mistaken ashtray Give up smoking. and contains solid for glass. objects. You are staring at You are sitting on the floor. Find empty stool something dark and or pick up own you have lost your stool. glass.