This article is classified "Real"
Greetings all you hoopy hitchhikers out there! I congratulate you on your choice of reading material. But enough with small talk, you want to know about RPI, so here we go: RPI was founded in 1824 by Stephan VanRensselaer. It resides in Troy, NY, USA, Earth. "Enough with the history," I hear you cry, "get on with the good stuff." Ok, calm down. I spent four years doing research on this subject (and managed to get a degree there at the same time!) so I can assure you that everything I write is completely, blindingly, factual, except the bits that aren't. FOOD: a subject near and dear to the hearts, and other squishy bits that do the same thing but are different colors and shapes from hearts, of many hitchhikers. Campus meal service is provided by Daka (day-ka) which I presume stands for Dreadful Awful KA-ka. Some areas are better than others, but other than lunches, which were quite well prepared, the prudent hitchhiker is advised to eat out, or cook for themselves. MONEY: don't worry, you won't have any. Tuition is 347,556.003 Zambinian Froodles (see current exchange rate at your local branch of the Galactic Bank). I'm still paying off student loans. My suggestion here... hang out in a dirty space port, it's much cheaper. WEATHER: it's fantastic! That is, if you come from a water world. For those of you who prefer to remain dry, I'd recommend skipping this one. LOCAL SITES: points of interest around the RPI/Troy area include: Uncle Sam Atrium (yes, the old guy with the funny hat who wants you came from Troy), "The Egg" in Albany Plaza (a large structure obviously left by visiting concrete avian aliens), The Rolls (a cozy little below-the-street bar in Troy where Roy Atkinson plays folk music Wednesday nights. A definite three tentacles up for this place!!), and "The Approach" (the collapsing stairway which once was the main entrance to campus). No visiting Hitchhiker should miss these sites. REALLY IMPORTANT STUFF: parties and social life! These things actually do exist on the RPI campus. This is an interesting phenomenon since RPI has a more unbalanced ratio than MIT does. Even so, many fun and exciting parties can be found with a group of students and non-students called The RPI Players. They are the theater group on campus, and hoopier froods will not be sassed anywhere. They hold "Cast Parties" after the closing night show of a performance. If a hitchhiker is of legal age for his/hers/its species, they may partake of a drink called Players Punch. This liquid, usually pinkish in color, is about as close to a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster as you may hope to find on this boring little planet. Final Review: it's a bit over priced, and pressure can get to some, but overall I'd have to say that my four year research assignment at RPI was an enjoyable time. I'd advise other researchers to go and back up my findings. My final rating of RPI is: Mostly Harmless.