This article is classified "Real"
In the great city-state of Boston, and in its collection of semi-autonomous
suburbs, Geometry has taken it on the chin. In these cities, whenever two or
more major streets intersect at a strange angle (and major streets, when they
intersect at all, invariably intersect at strange angles) it is designated a
"square." And just to send Geometry running away screaming, these "squares"
are given names. In the city of Cambridge (just to the north of Boston) it
just so happens that Massachusetts Avenue, J.F.K. Street, and Mount Auburn
Street all intersect near Harvard University. And it is called --
surprisingly enough -- "Harvard Square." (This is surprising because the
names of nearly all the other "squares" make no sense whatsoever.)
If you should hitchhike to Harvard University (Driving is out of the
question, since it is impossible to find a parking spot anywhere near Harvard
Square. The most clever hitchhikers will avoid hitchhiking altogether and
take the subway.) in order to gaze at its splendid library, or to marvel in
its awesome museums, or -- best of all -- to visit a rich relative who
happens to be enrolled there, then you will probably spend some time
wandering around Harvard Square.
Harvard Square is the place in the United States -- outside of southern
California -- where you are most likely to encounter several preppies
dressed in izods getting their picture taken in front of a "Join the
Revolutionary Communist Youth League of America" banner. The Square itself
is a several-block region of shops and restaurants near the University.
Since most, if not all, of the land is owned by the University, the business
establishments must pay an obscene amount of rent, and they pass these costs
on to the customers.
When touring Boston in general, and Harvard Square in particular, you should
either purchase a street map, or expect to ask directions 5 or 6 times before
finding your desired destination. You should think of each of these events
as "mini-adventures."
RESTAURANTS: Most restaurants charge $4-5 for lunch and $8-10 for dinner.
There are many restaurants, but my recommendations are:
CHINESE: "Chef Chow's" on Church Street in "The Atrium;"
excellent food, good prices, and you can amuse yourself by
trying to figure out why the establishment hires twice as many
waiters and waitresses as it needs.
INDIAN: "India Gate" on Holyoke Street; excellent vegetarian
dishes and breads.
MEXICAN: "Border Cafe" on Church Street; expect a loooong wait.
PIZZA: Although some Harvardians like the pizza places around
here, I suggest you order out and get it delivered.
FAST: "Au Bon Pain" on Mass Av; a pricy McDonald's with an
attitude.
GENERIC: "Grendles" on J.F.K. Street; good prices, fair food, but
the atmosphere is "very Harvard," and hey, as long as you're in
the neighborhood, why not? Good music.
GENERIC: "The Wurst House" on J.F.K. Street; I'm told it has good
beer, but the food totally failed to impress me.
ICE CREAM: All the shops are adequate.
On no account should you be persuaded to eat at a cafeteria on campus. If
you cannot afford a restaurant, then go into "Store 24" (on Mass Av.) and
purchase a pre-made, pre-wrapped sandwich. They will let you use their
microwave and sell you some very bad coffee for a quarter.
PARKING GARAGE: On Holyoke Street. Maybe.
HOTELS: You can't afford them.
It is impossible throw a pedestrian in Harvard Square without hitting half a
dozen book stores, none of which carry enough "Doonesbury." Decent prices,
though. If you are into shabby little sci-fi bookstores where the owners
know more trivia than any sane person should, you will find one located just
above the "Wurst House" on J.F.K. Street, called "Pandemonium."
Speaking of pedestrians, you should never never simply step out into the
street and expect the cars to stop for you. They won't.
The movie theaters in Harvard Square almost never show any interesting
movies. This is probably because every movie house in the greater Boston
area is owned by Loewe's Theater Megacorp.
OTHER PLACES OF INTEREST:
THE GARAGE: on J.F.K. Street. A mini-mall and student hang-out
whose interior is inexplicably designed like a parking garage.
OUT OF TOWN NEWS: perhaps the largest news stand you will ever
see, located in the heart of Harvard Square, carrying newspapers
from cities you've never heard of.
THE FUNNY FARM: a little shop located on Eliot Street; hard to
find but worth the effort. They sell many varieties of wind-up,
battery-driven, and otherwise-mobile toys. It's a place where
you can find store owners almost certainly stranger than
yourself.
CATCH A RISING STAR: on J.F.K. Street.
Not-yet-ready-for-the-club-scene performers.
THE SPORTS CLUB: on J.F.K. Street. Particularly amusing to
observe the patrons when the Red Sox/Patriots/Celtics/Bruins are
losing a critical game, as they so frequently do.
THE CHARLES RIVER: no, that's not a store or a shop. That's the
real, actual river. It's pronounced, "Chaahhles." There's a
nice little park along the banks.
STREET PERFORMERS: all over the place during warm afternoons and
evenings, particularly on weekends. Some of them are quite
good.
Many stores sell "official Harvard insignia" clothing, mugs, pencils,
notebooks, and just about anything else you can think of, including towels.
All of it is overpriced. A word of warning to avoid embarrassment: the
"Harvard Co-operative Society" book/everything-else store (located on Mass
Av.) is called "The Coop." Not "The Co-op," but "The Coop." As in
"chicken." This is simply yet another inexplicable aspect of the greater
Boston area.