This article is classified "Fictional"
It is, of course, well known that a person's ability to spell can affect their placement in life. A misspelling on an application, resume, or manuscript can have -- relatively speaking -- devastating effects, and can alter the position one ends up with. For example, a professor of enigmatic jokes at the University of Maximegalon made a grievous error by using the letter 'e' in place of the letter '<&*' in the word 'Flath<&*' (an odd word used only in enigmatic jokes) in his triple doctoral thesis. He was approached with the error, and was about to be dismissed from his post, when in an enigmatic inspiration, he saved his position by coining the only known spelling-related enigmatic phrase: "Well, if I could spell, I wouldn't be here!" This phrase is actually more literally true of the Gelderion people of Vanbeetroot VII. During the reign of their leader, King Grenbar the Confused, a rather complicated and extremely expensive satellite was placed in orbit over the planet. This satellite could sense anyone spelling anything correctly in public, or correcting another's spelling, and changed this person's position by several thousand light years (The King was apparently annoyed at the number of people who corrected his spelling, which was well known to be atrocious). As a result, a large percentage of the population was sent hurling though space, and the economy was devastated; both from the lack of people in the work force, and from the enormous debt created by the satellite. When finally a team of engineers was sent to shut down the satellite, they found that all the original manuals were unreadable due to numerous misspellings, and all the original blueprints were soaked in Vanbeetroot ale (a curious mixture produced on Vanbeetroot V, where the natives dealt with people who could spell by getting them extra- ordinarily drunk). And thus began the rather expensive endeavor of retrieving the satellite and directly analyzing it. The engineers then found that the satellite was simply a natural annoyance magnifier, which took the energy produced by annoyance, magnified it several trillion times and focused it on the source of the annoyance -- with a gain control to send the person someplace safe. The engineers then disconnected the gain control, and got very annoyed with the device -- which promptly melted itself. This is why 90% of all dictionaries sold throughout the galaxy come with a short tutorial on advanced circuit analysis.