This article is classified "Partly real, partly fictional"
Chess is a game involving 64 squares and 32 pieces which invariably end up on the wrong squares. The most powerful piece in chess is the queen, the only female piece on the board. There have been many explanations linking this feminist slant to the high number of young men with thick glasses and skin problems who play chess, none of which have been conclusive. Other chess pieces include the King, a reference to Elvis Presley; the Pawn, who represents the determinist worldview (as in, "We are all just pawns of fate waiting to get to the back rank"); the Rook, a small bird; the Knight, opposite of The Daye; and the Bishop, the origin of which is unknown. There are 2 conflicting theories as to the origin of the Bishop: 1. The long-dead original inventors of chess were extra- ordinarily prescient, or 2. Priests, preachers and televangelists have always been warlike, violent and tricky. Popular openings in chess include The King's Gambit, The Queen's Gambit, The Latvian, The Ruy Lopez, The Schliemann, The Orangoutang, The Vulture, The Four Knights, The Three Knights, The Scotch, The Basmania, The Center Counter, The Dumb Move, The Pre-Game Psyche-Out, and the Coronary Thrombosis. Popular closings, or endgames, in chess include The Win, The Loss, The Draw, The Stalemate, The Loss On Time, The Quantum Collapse, The Refusal To Go On, The Sudden Death, and The Sudden Death.