This article is classified "Real"
"Today, General Motors recalled 25 thousand new cars. They don't know what's
wrong with them, but they do say that they recall them." (-Dennis Miller)
In today's society, owning a car is a necessity. (Unless you happen to be
poor, in which case it is just one of many necessities which become luxuries
you can't afford.) So what do you do when your automobile stops working, or
begins to make funny noises indicating that it will very soon stop working at
a particularly inconvenient moment. There are two options.
First, you can take it to a mechanic. This option immediately poses
problems too obvious and too numerous to list.
Second, you can try to fix it yourself. This option poses many other
problems, among the worst of which are that you will be forced to think and
-- even worse -- to do work.
But there is a way to avoid being impaled on the horns of this dilemma.
Well, actually, it's more a way to forestall being impaled. OK, it's really
just a way to procrastinate, but you might consider it anyway. It is this:
Listen to the radio program, Car Talk.
Car Talk is a call-in radio program in which the hosts, Click and Clack
the Tappit Brothers, a.k.a. Tom and Ray Magliatzi, argue with each other,
read letters from fans on the air, interrupt each other, rant and rave about
lawyers, semi-drivers, gas grills, automotive corporate executives, and
whatever else happens to annoy them, promote fictitious charitable causes,
and, occasionally, answer questions which listeners phone in about their
cars. You will probably never find another show in which the hosts take
such great delight in listening to another person's problems, and then
laughing about them.
Click and Clack are themselves mechanics who own and operate a garage. And
since -- as they so often point out on their show -- everyone even remotely
associated with the automotive industry is sleazy and not to be trusted, you
should realize that any particular answer they give might be utterly
fictitious and that they only sound like they know what they are talking
about. In their defense, however, Click and Clack have quite a bit of
experience and have spent a great deal of time and effort perfecting their
trade. Therefore, they are very good at sounding like they know what they
are talking about.
If you would like to become a regularly listener to Car Talk, this is what
you should do: call or write to all of your local National Public Radio
stations and ask them for a copy of their programming guide. Once you have
done this, you should probably change your name, address, and telephone
number to avoid being hit by requests for donations every month for the next
ten years.
If none of the public radio stations in your area carry Car Talk, you
should tell the programming directors to get in touch with the radio station
WBUR in Boston. If none of the programming directors want to carry
Car Talk, there are two methods of argument you can use with them, one of
which is certain to work on any public radio employee anywhere in North
America:
1) Car Talk will attract a large and loyal fan club of
yupwardly-mobile family units who drive Volvos and Infinities
and contribute to public radio. Or,
2) Car Talk brings back the glorious counter-culture days when
everyone owned a V.W. and knew how to fix it themselves.
If for some reason you would like to discuss an automotive or other problem
with Click and Clack, you can call 800-323-9287; or you can write to:
Car Talk, WBUR, 630 Commonwealth Avenue, Boston, Our Fair City, MA 02215.
(No endorsement expressed or implied, void where prohibited by law.)